Death ... and Life

First glance at the title of this blog may tell someone who was extremely positive that I am a pessimist. That's not true, at least not on all levels. At least it's not true in speaking of death and life. I have no fear of dying. No fear of the unknown on the other side. No fear of being lost in darkness forever or blowing around like dust in the wind (one of my favorite rock songs, by the way). I understand death itself, and I have a firm conviction of what awaits me on the other side, and I know beyond any doubt that it is far more glorious than what I am living here.

What I do fear, however, is the act of dying. Not the quick, merciful death you have when your car goes 75 miles an hour into a concrete wall or the side of a 1,000 pound hog, mind you. No, I'm talking about lingering death from cancer, Lou Gehrig's disease, or any one of a thousand other strange diseases that plague humankind. Dying slowly, living in pain every day, losing the strength even to roll over in bed when you need to, or to scratch an itch. That is what I fear.

I also fear leaving behind my family, and knowing how much they and my friends will miss me. This is a matter of fact, not any kind of boast about how great I am to be around. I simply know how much I've missed my own father and the many friends who have left this world and left me blue and longing for one more conversation with them. Not to mention those people I never met who have touched my life forever, such as Elvis Presley, Marty Robbins, and John Denver. (No, sorry, Michael Jackson is not on my list.)

You might ask what brings this on. Well, I attended a funeral last Saturday, the funeral of an ex firefighter who had to retire from the Pocatello fire department before I started here, forced into retirement by the merciless Lou Gehrig's disease. The words spoken of this man were glowing, the words anyone might wish would be said of them at their funeral, especially if they could be true.

While at that funeral I had several occasions to think of another friend of mine, this one from my police officer days with this same city. This very close friend owned part of a ranch, or at least his family did, and we gathered many a time on cattle roundups and spent many enjoyable hours side by side pushing bawling cows. (I know to some of you that might not sound very enjoyable, but then golf doesn't sound very enjoyable to me, and many of my friends love it.) Anyway... This friend was struck down with muscular degenerative disease not very long ago. He went downhill fast. VERY fast. He went from an athletic man who sat a horse like poety in motion, to a man who could hardly hold onto a piece of paper last time I saw him. I decided at the funeral that I should go see him, but before I could make it I saw his name in the obituaries, only three or four days after the first funeral. A good friend gone.

Both of these men led honorable lives. Both of them had good senses of humor and many friends. You will never find me jumping on the bandwagon that says, "They were too good for this world, so God took them." I don't buy that. In most cases I believe Death just happens. It isn't destiny, it isn't God taking you. It's just luck of the draw. On the other side of that coin, God COULD stop it if he wanted to. He can do anything. And I don't doubt for one moment that he has saved many a person who should have died. But imagine how crowded this world would be if God saved every worthwhile human being. So I understand why he lets some pass from our midst, even those who seem so worthwhile, who seem to be doing so much good in our world.

I guess what I got out of this last week, what I hope you all will take away from this blog, is how important it is to live every day as if it were your last. Don't leave those loving words unspoken. Don't neglect to give that hug or kiss, or hold that hand. Too many people go out without warning--"buck out," as the cowboys used to say. You may be one. It may be tomorrow. It may be today. Reach out and touch those you love, and let them know it. You may never get another chance.

I am not afraid of death, but I do love life, as long as it is a quality life. Treat it like you love it. Don't ever let your loved ones have to make amends with you at your graveside or stand there in prayer, wondering if you truly loved them because you didn't say it. Let's face it, for many of you reading this, there may be no tomorrow.

And for all of my friends out there who read this, including all those who have touched my life but briefly, I will say this, since I am preaching it. I love you. Don't let that chain be broken.

Kirby Jonas
www.kirbyjonas.com