Is "Me" an Evil Word?

For many years now I've pondered the modern question: Is "Me" an evil word? I remember sitting in Mrs. Baird's fourth grade class in Shelley, Idaho, listening to all the lessons about how sentences should begin with "Bobby and I," "Sally and I," "My dad/mom and I," etc. She would say something like, "You should never start a sentence with, "Me and Bobby," "Me and Sally," "Me and my dad/mom," and on and on, ad nauseum.

Well, that was all well and good. And it was about as correct as peanut butter and jam. That's just the way it's meant to be. The pronoun "I" is the subject of a sentence, the word "me" is the object. But I'm pretty sure something got lost in the translation.

Now, until recently, I made the strange assumption that the word "me" first became evil around that time period. Yeah, just about when I hit the fourth grade. But a few years ago I was watching an old episode of Gunsmoke (I guess ALL episodes of Gunsmoke are old, huh?), and I heard my hero, Marshal Matt Dillon, say something along the lines of, "Festus, go ask Miss Kitty for some whisky for Doc and I." I was horrified. I suddenly realized this villification (making something out to be a villain) of the word "me" has been underway for quite some time.

Now, I'm pretty sure that many of you are thinking, "Well, ol' Kirb has finally flipped his lid." While you may very well be right on that count, and since I'm up writing this blog at 1:00 AM I'm sure you are, at least in the case of this subject I am only speaking plain English. I just wish EVERYONE would!

I guess I need to get down to brass tacks here. A brief run-down on the plain and simple trick to knowing whether me (ooh, I said that bad word), myself or I should be used is in order here. First off, I. We all know this word. I. It is the word that gets used almost exclusively now that everyone has been sufficiently brain-washed into believing it is the only legal pronoun for oneself and that use of the word "me" may very well get you ten stripes with a cane. So now we use "I" as both subject AND object of any sentence that involves ourself. But that's not quite true. There is this phenomenon surrounding the word "me" that makes it suddenly okay to use, ONLY if it is used alone. For example, "Bubba gave a back rub to me," said Louie the convict. Hmm... Okay. Now let's look what happens when Frank, the ex lock picker doing ten years without parole, gets involved in the afore-mentioned back rub. Suddenly, "me" becomes "I" in a hurry, because even old Louie knows he's going to screw up his upcoming parole if he says the word "me" in combination with anyone else's name. So now, by the mandatory laws of common usage, you end up with, "Bubba gave a back rub to Frank and I."

So... Where did this transition happen? Why was "me" perfectly fine alone, but in combination with another name became "I." Even Louie, just a dumb convict thrown in prison for stealing gummy bears at Walmart, would think it sounded pretty silly to say, "Bubba gave a back rub to I."

That was lesson number one. Now I want to explore the side-phenomenon of the other personal pronoun, "myself." As anyone who paid two minutes' attention in English class knows, the only person who can give, say or do anything to "me," is "myself." Yet the word "myself" is frequently used by important sounding people like firefighters and cops to replace the word "me"--which is not only more proper but even shorter--in instances such as, "Why don't you meet up with Ragmannanon and myself?" Sorry. The only person who can meet up with myself is I! Not even a guy with a freaky name like Ragmannanon is allowed by the laws of English to meet up with "myself." Again, no one would say, "Why don't you ask Bob if he can meet up with myself?" Would they? So why in our current use of the English language is the word "me" banished except when standing alone?

Well, I hope you don't expect me to answer this question. I'm just as baffled as anyone else. All I know is that it's true. "Me" is an evil word. It has been villified probably since English teachers first started teaching English. Many of the teachers themselves use the words "I" and "myself" when they should be using me. How are their pupils supposed to learn otherwise? Actually READ that English textbook?!?! RIGHT!!!!

But I say we liberate the word "me." Give it back its proper place in the English language. Personally, I'd rather hear something like, "Me and Bob are going to the store," which is the usage for which teachers used to beat our knuckles with yard sticks, than to hear, "Do y'all want to go to the store with Algernon and I?" (Although admittedly if you're going to go to the store with a guy named Algernon you'd probably want to bring someone else along too, just for protection.)

Just take a moment, take that second name or pronoun out, and say the sentence in your mind before you say it out loud. You won't have to do this very many times before I have a new "me" convert and you realize how silly "I" and "myself" sound when used where you should be using that poor little evil "me". Then maybe we'll just have a revolution and everyone will start speaking proper English.

Nah, we all know that ain't gonna happen.