Okay, I'm going to apologize in advance to all of those who happen to be connoisseurs of what people in Idaho call "Fair Food." I am probably going to say a few things in this blog that will highly offend you if you are a true fan. If that is the case, I can only say, "Hey, it's been good knowing you!"
Seriously, I was told yesterday about something at our local state fair that took me aback so hard I almost ended up on my rump on the ground. I was incredulous. I was dumbfounded. I was stupefied. What was it? Stand by, and I'll tell you.
Okay, I've been to the fair, and perhaps five times in my life I have succumbed to some of its "food." I've tried some of the smoothies there, which in spite of their 5.00 price tag, which was extremely hard to swallow, tasted pretty darn good. I've had some of those cinnamon roasted almonds, which if you eat four pounds of you will find you don't care for anymore--even the smell. At least that was my experience! I have had pronto pups, which is just a fancy name for a plain ol' corndog. I've had maybe one burger, and I've had a funnel cake, which was just a harder than normal waffle wrapped into a cone shape and deep fat friend (as most things seem to be at the fair). The most horrible thing I've tried was the infamous "Tiger Ear," which any human can tell you looks more like an elephant ear, particularly an ear on an elephant who is suffering from a case of the "drips," since they seemed to be soaked in warm grease for a couple of hours before they hand them over to the lucky consumer. After spending several minutes wiping off the oil that was dripping from my elbows, I threw the remainder of so-called tiger ear in the trash, hoping to salvage a little bit of my gall bladder.
Now, there are other things at the fair that I haven't tried and which I shudder at the thought of. There is cotton candy, basically flavored sugar, whipped and stuck to a stick. There are the deep fat fried Snickers bars and Twinkies, both of which activate my gag reflex just thinking about putting them in my mouth. And then there is that... "item" I learned about yesterday.
Now, I have to say that I am not the healthiest eater in the world. I put stuff in my body that I shouldn't. But deep fat fried food is not generally one of my weaknesses. I do like butter on bread. I like butter on pancakes. I like butter on waffles, corn, potatoes. Butter is good. And current research, as happens with most natural food if you wait around long enough, is saying that butter isn't even all that bad for you. This in from Mother Earth News! (And I am NOT making that up.)
But... And this is a BIG but, even bigger than the butt on the above-mentioned elephant... There is a line with butter that even the most ridiculous of eaters should not cross, and that brings me back to that mystery food I mentioned at the beginning of this blog. Here it is. Are you ready for this? No, I mean are you REALLY ready for this? You might want to have a garbage can handy, unless you have access to an emesis bag (fancy name for barf bag).
The latest craze, obviously invented by those at the fair who seem to be in a contest to come up with the most bizarre, unhealthy foods on the face of the planet, is.... (drum roll, please) .... deep fat fried.... BUTTER. Did you read that correctly? Uh... If you read "DEEP FAT FRIED BUTTER," then yes. You read that correctly. I am told, although I have yet to see this with my own eyes, that they take a cube of frozen butter, wrap it in some healthy dough made of white flour, and probably heaping tablespoons full of sugar, and deep fat fry it.
Can I truly say anything more about this? I mean seriously. How do you go any farther in derogatory commentary about deep fat fried butter then just to say they sell it. Period. DEEP FAT FRIED BUTTER. I sat and tried to think of something to top this one, and I just can't. Next year, on the last day of the fair, they will be selling used deep fat frying oil for 6.00 a cup, and all those lovers of "fair food," which is anything but "fair," with be walking around the fairgrounds swilling it like the most exotic of smoothies.
Hmm... Just give me a mountain to run up and a glass of spring water, thanks. Or even a glass of mud would be fine. Healthier than deep fat fried butter, anyway.
Deep fat fried butter....the breakfast of champions.
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No wonder you look the way you do and no wonder I DO NOT look the way you do. I started getting hungry just reading some of your descriptions. The deep fried butter, I agree, sounds unimaginable.
ReplyDeleteI watched Regis and Kelly once a few years back and Kelly was playing Paula, a southern foods chef. One of the things that Paula says is, "Everything is better with butter." So Kelly dressed up like her and made some real disgusting combinations. She made a sandwich with two donuts and a stick of butter and many other equally disgusting combos. Each time she took a small bite, and by the time she was done she was gagging and so was I. It was very funny. I actually like to use light olive oil when I fry anything.
ReplyDeleteDeep fried butter does sound nasty! I'll have to agree on that one. :) However, In the 10 years I have attended the local fair, btw not in Idaho, I have only bought food twice there. Once a burger and fries to share with someone and my very first, elephant ear to share, and I must say mine was not as you described. It was fantabulous! With cinnamon and sugar and raspberry jam. They made them while we waited. We always take our own food, I honestly don't see how people can afford to eat there and do all the other fun stuff associated with fair going.
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