Tree of Life

TREE OF LIFE

Deep in the darkest, dampest forest,
You are the tree that waits to shelter me,
The tree that has spread its branches protectively out over the forest floor,
That has prepared a bed of soft needles for me to lay my head down
When I am sad and scared.
You are the tree that stands tall and strong
But ready to sacrifice any part of itself—
A branch, some needles—to light my fire of life, to warm me, inside and out.
You are the tree with the sweetest fruit, the truest grain,
A tree I could make a home with, a tree I could feed on spiritually,
A tree I can admire for its incredible physical beauty
And stroke gently for its softness,
A tree whose limbs would sigh out in delight as it felt my gentle hand.
You are the tree who, when the wind comes sighing through the boughs,
Sings the loveliest music when you put your branches together,
Music that draws the tears from my eyes, music that lures me from afar.
In my forest of life, I’m not certain how I have survived
Before you, not knowing your security, not knowing your song.
The heartwood is the center of the tree,
But that heartwood in you is visible through places,
Not where you are weak, but where you are strong.
It shines with a glowing light, as if the angels
Have already lit a fire inside you, and for centuries it has been waiting
To light my way, to warm me, to call me home.

Workout # 2

Workout # 2, otherwise known as "The Workout from Hell"

All right, guys, this is the trim down workout, the workout you start after you've "bulked up" and want to trim off that excess fat that necessarily comes with adding on any significant muscle. Unfortunately, when you are a day or two into this you're going to realize that lifting those heavy weights, and doing one body part per day, is a cakewalk . . . compared to this.

There are several versions of this trim-down workout that I do, and I will try to get all of those on here. I'm just going to start out with a basic split I do which puts the back and biceps with abs one day, chest, shoulders and triceps the next, and legs separate. The leg workout in particular will be a drastic change to what you've been doing.

I'll list the exercises I do each day, then the specifics.

On back day I do four to five exercises. Generally, they are the following, or exercises that are similar. Pullups or machine pulldowns; Bent rows; dead lifts; pullovers; seated rows.

To that, I add barbell or dumbell curls; hammer curls; and one arm preacher curls for the arms. There are different variations of these, but until you really get into it it will be fine to stick to these basics. Believe me, they will put you through all the pain and suffering you desire.

On chest day, I will do the following, either with barbell or dumbells: flat bench press, incline bench press, decline bench press. Add to this some dumbell flyes or pec deck flyes and possibly cable crossovers. For the shoulders: Don't forget the overhead military press, with barbell or dumbells; side laterals, bent laterals, shrugs, and front raises. For triceps, pushdowns, single dumbell behind the neck raises; kickbacks. Please refer to either YouTube or Google to see photos/descriptions of each exercise. This information is all over out there if you look.

On leg day, I do what is called Hindu squats. These are squats with no weight, and I do from 500 to 1000 of these, which is an incredible leg burn and endurance/strength developer. You can see how to perform this exercise on YouTube. Just type in Hindu squats.

With this workout I will also start doing a lot more cardio. If you want, you can stick to half an hour to 45 minutes at a 4 mph hour fast walk or a 4 mph slow jog. Either way will burn some fat for you. You can also do intervals, if you're feeling frisky.

Now for the important part of these workouts: SPEED. Start out at a minute's rest between sets, and do your sets in the 10 to 15 repetition range. Do four sets of each. So to use your bench press exercise on chest day as an example, pick a weight you can stick to or even raise each set and do: 15 reps, wait a minute, 15 reps, wait a minute, 15 reps-one minute-15 reps. Wait another minute or two at most and go into your next exercise, in this case the incline press. You can change the order up, but I suggest doing your big muscle groups, back and chest, before the arms.

The key to this workout, as I said above, is SPEED. Don't let any grass grow under your feet. If you aren't sweating heartily throughout this workout, if you have time to stand around and gab, and if you don't at times look as if you're going to pass out from the strain, then you're doing it wrong. After a while, if you keep it up, you will probably get people commenting on your workout, and in another while they will start asking you how you've accomplished what you have in the gym. Believe me, they will if you stick to it. DON'T GIVE UP. The new you you find inside will blow you away.

In this segment, cut down drastically on your calories. For me, I'll go down to 2500 calories a day and slowly cut out from there. If I'm really trying to get cut for a photo shoot I might be eating as little as 1000 calories a day at times, which will cut your weights in the gym DRASTICALLY. So get ready to throw ego out the window. You will still be strong, but when you aren't taking in the calories it isn't going to be nearly as impressive.

Try to do this workout every three or four days. In other words, for example, back/biceps/abs on Monday and Thursday, Chest/shoulders/triceps on Tuesday and Friday, Legs on Wednesday and Saturday.

A word to the wise here: Until you know what this workout is going to do to you, don't get drastic. Start slow, as with all workouts. Don't get hurt trying to do something that I have been doing for many years. That will only frustrate you and make you want to quit, and that's the last thing I want you to do. Maybe start out with 2 sets of each of the exercises I listed. Work up from there.

DRINK 10 to 15 eight ounce glasses of water a day. DO NOT SCRIMP ON THE WATER. You will pay for it if you do, especially if you are eating a proper amount of protein. And don't forget to do the protein drink before, during and after your workout. Keep those muscles replenished. Down a handful of raisins and nuts after the workout to replace the glycogen you've been burning out of your muscles.

Workout # 1

Above: Frank Zane, Mr. Olympia three times running, back when Mr. Olympia still meant aesthetically pleasing, before the rhoids really took over.

For those of you who come to this blog only for the entertainment value I have to apologize in advance. Unless you are currently a gym rat (weight lifter, etc.), or you are interested in getting in good, muscular physical condition you probably won't get far into this "blog." This is the first in a series of weight lifting/fitness/nutrition articles I've been promising for a while giving those who haven't been gym frequenters a place to begin and maybe a goal to shoot for.

This first one is going to start you out a little drastically, but never fear. Just work it at your own pace, with whatever weights you can do. HOWEVER, PLEASE don't make the mistake of jumping into this with both feet if you aren't used to working out at the gym. Give it a couple of weeks of basic movements, fairly light weights, to get your body used to it. Otherwise you are going to be so full of lactic acid, so incredibly sore, that you are 1) not going to like me anymore, and 2) probably not going to go back to the gym any time soon. Start in slowly!

First, I'm going to give you five basic laws of the game you MUST follow if you plan to find success in the gym.

1) Don't skip workouts! Stick to the routine.

2) Eat every 2 or 3 hours, mostly whole grains, oats, wheat, brown rice, sweet potatoes, etc.

3) SLEEP! If you aren't getting close to 8 hours a night, you are cheating yourself and your workout

4)DO NOT overtrain. I can't stress this one enough. What you think is going to make you stronger is going to break you down, hurt you, make you vulnerable to getting sick. I'll address overtraining again later.

5)Take a good quality protein drink one or two times a day. You aren't going to get a decent amount of protein without this, or at least not as easily. Nitrotech is the specific brand I use, and at age 44 this is the one I went from 210 to 218 with in one month. And mind you, I am still wearing the same pants size. This was not fat gain.

Those are the basic rules you have to follow. The rest we can tweak as we need to.

Before we get into the weights, let's talk about this first program. I am designing this specifically for those who want to gain some muscle, good quality muscle in a short time frame. Don't worry about getting bulky. It's not going to happen in the month I will have you on this. If you continue to hit this one, okay, you will possibly get bulky IF you have that genetic potential. But in the first month you are just going to build a basic framework on which to model the rest of your future programs. This goes for the ladies, too. Don't be afraid of muscle. It looks good no matter who it's on, and I'm not trying to get you all beefed up. I'm talking about nice, firm muscle, not steroid-pumped Muscle and Fitness magazine fodder.

Now let's talk food. This is going to hurt, for those of you who have been dieting forever (and often not with the results you desire). For every pound of body weight you should be eating 20 calories of QUALITY carbs and protein. I'm not talking about Twinkies and French fries. Let's hear it for the oats, wheat, brown rice, and sweet potatoes mentioned above. Don't be afraid of fat, but DO NOT touch the sugar. Please leave that poison alone. You will thank me for this later, if it's the only thing you get out of this article. White sugar is a poison to the human body, pure and simple. Beyond taste there is nothing good about it. Break yourself of it and you are on your way to being far more fit than most people in the good old USA.

Now, specifically, protein. You can pound the weights all day and eat until you're blue in the face, and you are going to get nowhere at all unless you are consuming quality protein. Chicken, fish, eggs, cottage cheese, venison, and yes, the evil beef. Grass-fed beef is actually good for you. No, I'm not kidding. And to supplement it, Nitro-tech Hardcore. Worth it's weight in gold, and they aren't paying me to say that.

I mentioned not being afraid of fats. Now I'm going to go a step further: EAT THEM. Flax seed oil, virgin olive oil, fish oil, nuts. Eating a handful of walnuts, almonds and peanuts every day is one of the best things you can do for yourself, especially if they're raw. Like peanut butter? Go for it, as long as it's the natural kind that has to be put in the fridge, or better yet, make it yourself with a Vitamix blender.

Before your workout, eat around 40-60 grams of slow burning carbs like oats, etc. This will force water into your muscles, and you need that. Then, and this is important, start consuming that protein shake. Drink half a cup or more before the workout and sip it throughout, then finish your workout with at least a half cup. Also, this is your one chance to ignore what I said about fast burning carbs (you know, that poisonous sugar). Take in 60-75 grams of fast-burning carbs, like chocolate milk, dark chocolate, etc. This will spike your insulin levels and refill what should by then be very depleted muscle glycogen stores.

And now for the workout itself. Remember, I'm recommending this for one month. After that, switch it up with one of the others I hope to have up here. If you don't, you will find your muscles become bored, and you will stop seeing the growth. So get in there, rack some weights (after that initial two week break-in period, that is) and slam some calories. Don't be afraid. Any fat you gain I'm going to help you shed next month.

(If you need guidance on the following exercises, drop me a line, but I'm sure you can find a description of each online, probably along with photos. Important note: Do all reps slowly, especially on the downward stroke, and concentrate on thinking about the muscle you're working. SQUEEZE hard at the top of the movement. The squeeze is more important than the amount of weight. Don't let your ego get you in trouble. You can get an astounding workout with 20 pound dumbbells even if you think you're a pretty big guy. It's all in the squeeze.)

Oh--I almost forgot the best part: REST. I am only going to have you working the major muscles one day per week. A full seven day rest period. No kidding. This is paramount. Follow the routine. Don't add anything in. You won't regret it.

DAY ONE: Chest and abs

Bench press (trade off every other week with dumbell press) 4 sets, 8 to 10 reps

Incline bench press (trade off every other week with db's) 4 sets, 8 to 10 reps

Flat Dumbell flyes 4 sets, 8 to 10 reps

Pec deck (the machine that some call a flye) 4 sets, 10 to 15 reps. The stretch on this is extremely important, far more so than trying to kill yourself with a heavy weight and tear out those all-important shoulders.

Chest is done!!!!

Now for the abs: Hanging leg raises (you will likely have to start out with leg raises on the end of a weight bench) 5 sets of 20 (Note: PLEASE do these very strictly, and at the top of the movement, when it hurts the most, SQUEEZE those abs together. Imagine an accordion. This is imperative if you want to build your abs.

DAY TWO: Back (and ONLY back!)

Lat pulldowns: 4 sets, 10 to 12

Deadlifts (one of the best exercises you can do, even though you hate it!) 4 sets, 8 to 10 reps

Barbell rows (arch that back and squeeze!!!) 4 sets, 8 to 10 reps

Dumbell rows (one arm at a time for a good stretch) 4 sets, 8 to 10 reps

Seated cable rows (you should be able shot by now) 3 sets, 10 to 12 reps. Squeeze it hard at the end. Come on, you can do it. You've come this far.

DAY THREE: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! You can do a thirty minute fast walk or light job, but don't run hard. You will negate a lot of the training you're doing. Don't worry, we'll get that cardio back. It's only a month! Believe me, I'm into cardio too.

DAY FOUR: Shoulders and calves

Barbell military press, 4 sets, 8 to 10 reps (keep your back straight!)

Dumbell laterals supersetted with front raises: 4 sets of 10 to 12 ech exercise

Rear (bent over) dumbell laterals 4 sets, 10 to 12 reps

Dumbell shrugs (or barbell, if you must) 4 sets, 8 to 10 reps (try to imagine squeezing your shoulder blades together behind your ears. FEEL IT in your upper back. Very important. You can also hold this one a couple of seconds at the top and stretch it as far as possible at the bottom.

Shoulders are done. Now for the calves, those little buggers that are so genetically dependent!

Seated calf raises: If you don't have a machine for this, you can pad a barbell, but it will be very helpful to have a partner if you do. 5 sets of 12 to 15 reps, and the squeeze at the top, a squeeze so hard it hurts BAD is paramount.

DAY FIVE: Arms and upper abdominals

Dumbell curls (and you can trade off with barbell if you like) 4 sets of 8 to 10 reps

Hammer curls 4 sets of 8 to 10 reps

Dumbell preacher curls (watch the weight here--a little goes a long way!) 4 sets of 10 to 12 reps

Close grip bench press (let the bar come all the way down until it touches your chest for a great stretch!) 4 sets of 8 to 10 reps

Lying triceps extensions (get that stretch again!) 4 sets of 8 to 10 reps

Bodyweight dips (here's the fun one) 4 sets to failure (I was doing sets of 16-22, but don't go so fanatic that you collapse and knock your teeth out on the dip bar! If you can only do 6, 8, or 10, then great. Everyone starts somewhere.)

Rope crunches (I've started doing these with a twelve-inch cambered bar held over my head. Much more comfortable to the hands: 5 sets of 20 (And squeeze it HARD at the bottom. I'm using 80 pounds on this one.)

DAY 5: Upper legs and Calves

Leg extensions: 4 sets of 12 to 15

Barbell squats: 4 sets of 8 to 10

Leg presses: 4 sets of 8 to 10

Lying leg curls: 4 sets of 10 to 12

Stiff-legged deadlifts (do these slowly so you don't tear out your knees!) 4 sets of 8 to 10 reps

Standing calf raises: 3 sets of 12 to 15 reps

Seated calf raises: 3 sets of 12 to 15 reps

Calves can be worked more often than other muscles, as they get used on a day to day basis, pretty harshly by some of us!

I'm not throwing any forearm routine in here, but you might want to add it in yourself for ten minutes or so later on, especially if you have dumbells or a barbell at home. But you'll be using forearm muscles in much of your other work, so if you don't want to worry about it for this month, don't.

DAY 7: OFF, again!

DAY 8: Start it all over again.

This is a lot of information to digest in a short space, so if you have any questions you can email me at kirby@kirbyjonas.com . I know this is a hard workout, but as the saying goes, I didn't promise it would be easy, I only promised it would be worth it. Remember, unless you want to, this isn't going to get you huge. Look at this as the jumping off point into a whole new world. I guarantee you if you stick with it you will love the changes you see in the mirror.

And here's a teaser for my next workout: VERY LITTLE REST BETWEEN SETS, say 15 to 40 seconds. HIGH REPS. Believe me, this one is going to hurt. BUt to a bodybuilder, it's a good hurt. Some will tell you you don't need the pain to see satisfactory results, but I am here to differ. Some pain and discomfort is a good thing. Just be careful that it's not the wrong kind of pain. If you have pain that lingers for more than four or five days, crank it back a notch. And don't forget to eat and stretch those muscles hard. I stretch hard for my back, chest and legs throughout the day. This is another one of those things that can make or break your progress in the gym. STAY LIMBER!!!! Any body builder worth his salt should be able to lay his palms flat on the floor without bending his/her knees. Just go for it slowly!